"I'm a cowboy...Howdy, howdy howdy."
3/26/2004 2:33 PM
In another of a long list of things that bother me. Ladies and gentleman, I give you the cowboy hat. From this point forward you may only wear a cowboy hat if:

A. You are an actual cowboy/cowgirl or an actor playing a cowboy/cowgirl.
B. You are stripper.

For the rest of you...take that stupid hat off. I argued with someone for a great deal of time about the cowboy hat being one of the most useless of hats. Second only to the beret. At least cowboy hats have some sort of work purpose associated to them. But Jared...Special Forces wear berets. They wear them because I think they are showing off how bad ass they really are. "Look I can wear the gayest hat possible but I can still kill you in 37 ways." I even wore a beret at one point in my life...I was under the delusion that I was Anton Figg, drummer for David Letterman and that I looked cool. My life is riddled with these fashion errors so by NO MEANS DOES THAT MAKE IT RIGHT. I realize now how grievous a mistake it was. Never wear a beret and do what you can to discourage it in everyone else you meet. From this point in the forward you may only wear a beret if:

1. It is 1941 and you are fighting in the French resistance.
2. You are Robert Clary.

Back to the cowboy hat. It’s a working hat. Why do men and women insist wear it as fashion? You go to any modern saloon and every cowpoke wears one. Be it Ken "Slim" Mitchell from accounting or "Calamity" Janet from H.R. They are all there in their hats. Does anyone look at them and think "He must be a cowboy." He's wearing a cowboy hat". Why is it ok to wear a cowboy hat but I can't wear a fireman’s helmet? Doesn't it project the same type of rough and tumble guy? If you saw me standing in a bar with a fireman’s hat and there was no fire...you'd think I was a loon. And that’s how I look at you when you wear a cowboy hat. P.J. O'Rourke once said "A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat." and I believe him However, I'm often one to wear a baseball hat or my fat guy hat. But that’s merely to cover the atrocity that is my hair. Here endeth the rant.