St. Pats in repose....
3/17/2004 4:38 PM
There wasn't much I looked forward too when going to college in Whitewater. Summer break and graduation...although lord knows why because I had it made in those days. What I thought was a stressful week really wasn't. I did a crummy morning show where I got to laugh with my best friend for 2 hours straight everyday. I had a cushy part time job for the University...where I'm not kidding I was paid to watch TV most of the time. Although remembering some of those programs...they were a lot of work to watch. One show...and I am NOT making this up. Was a naked man in his late 50's, riding a bicycle around in a circle while talking into a microphone? I think it was the first time I thought maybe we should start cutting funding to the arts. Anyway...I looked forward to 2 days on campus every year. The day the bible thumpers would come and I could argue with their messed up morality all day long...it was very cathartic. AND St. Patrick’s Day...I'm not in the least bit Irish but I am completely for drinking beer at 6 am. Here’s a skewed recounting of one of those days. Events may not be entirely truthful due to aging and obscene amounts of alcohol consumed that day.

Its 5:45 am. I wake to my roommate mike yelling about someone pounding on our door. My other roommates Tom & Matt are making similar observations. I stumble to the door. I only have about 2 hours of sleep in me because we were having a "pre" St. Pats bash the night before. I know who it is. You can hear the excited drumming of the fists against the door. Its Norb...He just turned 21 the previous week and he is ready to throw himself into the fray of Whitewaters favorite drinking day. "WOOOOO BOY!!!" He exclaims as he bursts through the door. Then a dejected "you're not ready?!"..."No..." is all I can muster.

"Last night you said you would be ready..."
"Listen, I told a great many people a great many things that I have no intention of doing last night. Give me 5 minutes."

I fall back to the cocoon of the hot shower. I hang from the nozzle like I'm riding the subway. I have no idea where I am going to muster the strength today. This hasn't been a problem in the past. St. Pats has always landed on a weekday. There has been SOME decorum. But today is a Saturday...probably the worst possible scenario. We don't even have to make the attempt to get to class or work. I buck up and get out of the shower, get dressed join my cohort in the parlor. I take a quick poll of the other residents of regent #113 and all of them are choosing to sleep until at least 8. "That’s ok" mike says, "I've been drunk before." We leave the apartment and head downtown...the sun is just barely rising. But the streets are already full of partygoers. We make our first stop at TNTs. The area meat market...where I think there are people still here from 3 am last night who are trying to get laid. The place is buzzing and I know alot of people. Similar to the scenes in movies where you walk in and everyone is clapping others on the back. Its a very feel good moment. I come across some friends that live down the street...you can tell they are glowing already with the buzz that a green Hamm’s beer can give. We small talk...and then they exchange glances. And one of the ladies says, "ask him. if you don't I'll just tell him." Smooth and debonair I yell "WHAT?" over the din of drunken conversations and MC Hammer. "I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime?" I was not prepared for this...girls just don't ask me out. And she's cute to boot...Especially considering I'm wearing a torn T-shirt and torn jeans (hey, it was 1989). I don't know here that entire well but I'm filled with the love of the Irish people today and 2 beers. I think I said something very cool like "baaaaa---ummm---yeah!". I think I got her number or we just said we'd talk later. I decide a tactical retreat is the best strategy because knowing my luck I'll say something really offensive or worse yet she'll see me dancing given enough time. I fall back to Norb who swills at the bar entraining a large group with a story. Through our now famous non-verbal communication, which consists of facial expressions and gestures, I relay what just happened. He smiles in agreement and purrs "Ricoooooo". I of course respond by running a hand through my hair shouting "Suave'eee!!!" The morning progresses we witness our friend Kevin dancing with 3 girls on the dance floor. I would see him an hour later passed out on the bar people piling their jackets on him. About this time we run into another woman and her friend. It’s Jen. Jen would later become my serious college girl friend but I'm not even wading into that tale. We all chat for a while and in a photo op she grabs my ripped T-shirt and hangs it from her mouth. Norb and I agree that she too is attracted to me. I'm starting to like this holiday more and more. My other roommates make it down later in the morning. There are many games of hockey (the old kind with the handles.)...And my memories now begin to blur. Everyone eventually goes home in the early afternoon for a drunken nap because there is now a whole evening of debauchery to look forward too. I end up talking to Jen a few more times that night. I know I am flat out digging her. I never did call that other girl...I know who I wanted to date. It was a fun day...at least how I remember it.

Next year I'll tell you about the St Pats that I got Mark sick.