4 Years, 2 girlfriends, 1 love (part 1 of the high school years)
10/22/2003 4:16 PM
Ever look back on your life and want to journey back in a time machine just so give yourself a giant kick in the ass? I do this a lot on 3 subjects mostly. Women, school and travel. In that order. But let me preface. I have a job that I do a lot of data entry and analysis after several minutes of doing this the mind can wander. Many times I climb back in the way back machine and go over events in my life and look at it with a more experienced and judging eye. In the continuing tale of romantic relationships in my life the next stop high school. The beauty and the horror that is East Troy High School. The bad side...it was incredibly small minded, had a caste system worse than India and low intelligence wasn't just the status quo...it was nearly a religion. Anyone with a modicum of academic excellence was pretty much the subject of ridicule and put upon by the masses. Not to say that I was baby Bill Gates but I had friends who were plenty smart and I would watch daily has they were harassed endlessly. I learned fast to try and run under the radar as much as possible. This of course ran in direct conflict with my craving for attention. OK...The good side...I had a group of friends many of whom I am still close with today...More importantly, I had 3 GREAT friends in Craig, Tim and Matt. What little confidence I had was because of them. I was most myself with them. Oh we were interested in plenty of women...however, it really seemed one sided because nobody seemed to be interested in us for a long time. And looking back at pictures from then quite honestly the "Trench coat mafia" had more going on for it than we did. It wasn't until my senior year that I started getting the whole wearing something other than flannel and a baseball hat might make you attractive to someone else. Now in retrospect I do look back and can remember plenty of girls that MAY have been interested in me but I lacked the confidence and the where with all to ever be bold enough to make the first move. Which is quite literally what any girl who was interested in me would need to do. I was under the delusion for a long time to have a relationship I would need to be friends with someone first. I was a friend with a lot of girls. "Friends" and "like a brother" should have been my motto for grades 9-12. Of being bold and taking a chance or 2 I'm sure these women got interested in me became "friends" with me and then crossed that line of being attractive to being "safe". And once you cross that line...my friend there is NO going back. Later, I found a good cure in self-depreciation and Jack Daniels. The first REAL girlfriend I ever had was during my senior year. Her name was Michelle. I met her on a church youth trip between my junior and senior years. Word of warning to all you parents out there. DON'T LET YOUR CHILDREN GO ON CHURCH RETREATS! They are petri dish for youth experimentation and deviant behavior. Most of the freaked out things I have seen in my life has been on some sort of church outing. It's probably a good reason why I'm agnostic these days. Anyway, we met...we hung out...we made out. It took me a good 1/2-hour of talking, sitting by ourselves in the middle of the night, to work up the courage to kiss her. Before I did I think I said something smooth like "oh well". We met a few more times through out the summer to basically make out and then the school year began. I was forced to bring this relationship to light to my friends. The main problem was that she was a freshman and I was senior. I may be excommunicated. But I won't be put down...what we have is love or a reasonable facsimile there-of (thanks Pat). But my friends were all very cool about it. Or possibly they saw the conclusion long before I ever did. The test of any real relationship is "time". As in "the amount of 'time' you can put up with the other persons shit." Apparently, we were strong enough for that. Or rather aside from making out we really didn't have much in common. After a failed attempt at a "real" date to a Bryan Adams concert (hey...it was 1985!). Where in she lied to me and said she was coming when in fact she never asked her parents. Leaving me swinging on a Friday night with a $30 5th row ticket. Thankfully, Craig stepped in as my date. He said he would buy me a pretzel at the concert but afterwards there was going to be "no tongue". After driving home Craig put it right out there. "Are you really interested in her?" It was a question I had asked myself and each time I knew..."No...No I wasn't". But in the 17 years I had spent on this rock she was the only one who showed any real interest in me and she seemed to be gaga over me. Over me?! Could I possibly let that go? Apparently so. Because a week later I would be holding hands with the first girl I "loved".... (The music swells, fade to black, "to be continued").